Another week has come to an end, and for once it has actually been a pretty positive week. As I wrote about in my last post on Monday, I have started to hear back from internships that I have been busy applying for, at long last. Since last Thursday I have been asked to come into three interviews at various companies, one of which I had to turn down due to it being completely unpaid and very similar to a voluntary music journalism position I have been doing since early September, another I has yesterday afternoon and which went very well, and the third which I’ve got Monday morning. I have also had a telephone interview which happened earlier today for another internship that I applied for a few weeks ago, I was picked as one of 100 people chosen to go to a Development Workshop at the BBC, which I went to yesterday, and I am currently waiting to hear back from them to find out if I have been selected as one of the 30 people who will be undertaking two week work placements with the BBC either sometime this month, December or January, and I have also been asked to do two writing tests for two separate publications to see if I would be right in working for them. One is a content writer position that I sent off my test for the other day, and I will know if I have an interview with them by next Friday, and the other is for a freelance writing position that I am sending my test to tomorrow, which if successful will mean that it won’t be a full time job, but it’s a great side project and will bring some much needed extra money into the bank account. It’s pretty fair to say that this week has been an extremely productive one when compared to the end of other weeks I’ve had in the last six months. I don’t think I have felt this positive in a very long time, at least since around the beginning of this year when I was still busy beavering away at university. With this positivity that I am currently experiencing though, there is also coming a new emotion. Fear.
I know it sounds stupid, but I am, I am scared about leaving the comforts of the unemployed world that I have made myself since May and going out into the big wide world of work. To all of you out there reading this who have been reading all of my posts in this part of my blog, you are probably going to think I’m some kind of idiot. Here I am spending the past nearly eight weeks saying how much I want a job and moaning about when it will be my turn to finally get a chance in the employment world, all being done here on this very blog, but now it is actually getting closer, or at least I hope it’s getting closer, I am starting to feel nervous and a bit anxious about what is to come. It’s going to be such a new experience, full of new places, new people and new opportunities, and as excited as I am that things seem to finally be happening, and about all of the brilliant things that I will hopefully soon be embarking on, I can’t shift the feeling of fear that seems to be sitting in the back of my mind. Is that normal? Does everyone go through this when they have got used to being unemployed, or a student, and are on the verge of employment? I don’t know, because I’ve never been in this situation before. It’s entirely new to me, and I don’t know how to deal with it.
In all honesty I think that I’m experiencing this purely because I’ve got so used to doing what I’m doing at the moment: nothing. I’m used to getting up when I want, unless I have somewhere to be early, I’m used to seeing my friends in the day on weekdays as I have nowhere important to be, I’m used to having days on end being stuck indoors, endlessly looking and applying for jobs, and not hearing back from any of them. It’s become a routine without actually being a routine. I feel that if I had gotten a job or internship shortly after finishing uni, rather than six months later, that I would feel more excited than I do about the prospect of getting a job at the moment. I would feel a lot more confident about the change and not so anxious about it all if I had gone straight from university straight into employment, but hey ho, these things can’t be helped. Please don’t get me wrong though, I am excited and really grateful that employers are starting to take an interest in my applications, and I know that the feelings I’m having at the moment are just my nerves of the changes that are maybe about to come in my life, but I have a feeling that until I get a position and settle into the new role that I am given, it may be a while before these feelings fade away.