(I know the title of this post says 222, and today when I’m posting it is actually day 225, but I wrote this post on the other day but have only just got round to publishing it, so I will leave the title as that, if that makes any sense whatsoever…)
It’s been three weeks since I wrote on this section of my blog. The first reason for this is that not a great deal has been going on with regards to the job hunt. The second, and in all honesty, the main reason for my absence is that I haven’t wanted to spend any more time than I have to thinking about looking for work. I am, quite frankly, at the end of my tether with trying to find employment.
My motivation, basically no longer exists. My positivity is dwindling. Endlessly searching for hours on end, applying for various position has never exactly been top of my list of things I like spending my time doing, but in recent weeks it has become even more unbearable. I have to force myself to look for work, and even though once I’ve got started I put as much effort as I can into applying for work, there have been a few occasions where my feelings of wanting to give up have overtaken my trying to remain positive and enthusiastic about the whole situation. A combination of applying for a good 20-30 jobs every week, hearing back from a handful of them if that, continuously seeing peoples updates on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc. about how they are having interviews and getting jobs, as well as now being the only one in my entire friendship group that isn’t in some kind of employment/education/training, is overall beginning to really take its toll on me. I have really reached the stage where, after either being rejected or not hearing back from so many jobs that I lost count months ago, I don’t feel as though I will ever get anywhere, ever. I know that sounds ridiculous, but with the year I’ve had so far, and the massive disappointments that have come with it, it has become increasingly difficult to keep this thought out of my mind. A lot of people who I tell this to tell me that I need to keep that thought far away from my mind, to stay positive and keep going until I eventually get somewhere. I, of course, appreciate the words of advice and the support, but it really is easier said than done.
I don’t really know where this lack of enthusiasm has come from. I’ve been feeling it build up over the last couple of weeks, but the past few days it all seems to have hit me at once, particuarly after finding out last Thursday (17th April) that I hadn’t got another job I had been interviewed for, after, yet again, being in the top three final candidates being considered for the job. This role was for a social media, marketing and communications job at a company in London. It sounded perfect, but as luck would have it, the day of the interview could not have gone any worse. There were major problems on numerous train lines, with a broken piece of track on the London Bridge/Cannon Street line being the main cause. And of course, it would have all happened on the day that I needed to get to Cannon Street. No trains were running from my three most local train stations to Cannon Street, it was basically anyone’s worst nightmare to happen on the day you have to get to an important interview. After going from train station to train station and only being confronted with huge delays left, right and centre, I eventually found a train running from the station closest to my home that was going to London Bridge. At this point, it was almost two hours after I had originally planned to get on a train into London, and there was only half an hour before I was due to have my interview. Thankfully, I’d managed to get hold of the company a good while before my interview, informing them that I would be approximately fifteen minutes late, as well as letting them know that I would keep them updated with any changes.
Miraculously, after practically running across to Cannon Street from London Bridge, jumping on a tube from there to Aldgate East, and once again, running from the station to the office, which was thankfully only five minutes away, I arrived exactly at the time I had told them I would be arriving. All in all, probably one of the most stressful days of my life. The interview, I thought went as well as it could have done for what had happened in the time leading up to it, but, again as luck would have it, I didn’t get the position. Now any job rejection is disappointing, but this one hit me harder than I would have expected it to. The combination of the stress the day had brought with it, the fact that I had to wait a week to hear back from them, which only happened after I contacted them twice to find out what was going on, as well as that I was one of the three final candidates that had been interviewed. It did not leave me in the best of moods, hence the general tone of this post not being the most positive of ones.
My spirits are not in the highest of places at the moment, but I am sure that I will be able to get through this setback of emotions, press on, and try to remain optimistic. Wish me luck…