Whenever things are going well in my life, and by well I mean really well, I start thinking negatively about everything. I could be having the best day ever with my friends, family or my boyfriend, but if something minute happens, such as a tiny disagreement or me getting stressed about something, I instantly think that I have ruined the day, when in reality I haven’t.
Why do I do this? I’ve asked myself this question what feels like a million times in the past seven or eight months. Ever since I met my boyfriend in May last year and things actually started taking a turn for the better, even more so when I got myself an amazing new job at the end of August, the slightest disagreement or stressful moment leads me to worrying that a particular day has been ruined.
I don’t know if it’s because the past year has seen me be the happiest I’ve ever been and everything finally seems to be settling down, but there are times when I cannot budge these negative thoughts that seem to want me to only focus on minor things that have no relevance to an amazing day as a whole. Maybe it’s because my teenage life from the age of 15 up until I was 17 was a very emotional and negative time for me. Those two years were very much one big emotional roller coaster that I have very few happy memories about.
Maybe through being so happy of late, with very few problems to speak of, something in my subconscious is almost preparing me for the worst. Who knows, there could be a part of my brain so emotionally and mentally scarred from certain events in my teenage years that just can’t accept that things are going well, that is constantly preparing myself for the worst possible outcome in order for me not to be hurt. It’s a mystery, but maybe my New Years resolution for 2016 should be to ignore these thoughts and put them in their place.